It’s time for me to share another freebie wedding book chapter with you! I’m all about the freebies and the discounts, and since my Kindle book The Smart Guide to Wedding Weekend Events is on the market right now, just waiting to help you plan great guest-pleasing events like barbecues, softball tournaments, spa days and more, I thought I’d give you a little Tuesday treat:
Chapter 3
Formality Mix
In This Chapter
* Comfort Issues
* Money Issues
* Etiquette Issues
The best wedding weekends feature events in a range of formalities, giving guests the chance to enjoy both dressed-to-the-nines, upscale occasions and more relaxed, informal get-togethers. Brides and grooms say that an array of formalities allows them to enjoy the best of both worlds as well. If, for instance, their budget allowed for a less formal wedding such as a casual beach or backyard celebration, they can still look forward to a formal, dress-up rehearsal dinner. If the wedding will be formal or ultra-formal, they can look forward to casual parties where they can wear jeans (or bathing suits) in laid-back ease.
In this chapter, you’ll explore the benefits of planning events in a range of formalities, looking as well at the budget break that may be achieved through less formal styles of parties and outings.
“We wanted our wedding to stand out as the most formal part of the weekend,” says Tasha, a recent bride. “We didn’t have the budget to go way over the top for our wedding plans, and we didn’t want anyone else’s party to outshine our reception. So we planned, and requested from other hosts, only super-informal events around it. Casual food, little to no décor, just iPod music at those parties so that everything we planned for our day would be more impressive and special to us. It worked out perfectly.”
Clearly, not outshining the bride and groom’s wedding is of the utmost importance. While it is true that some brides and grooms agree to a parent hosting a formal rehearsal dinner – with upscale everything, including lavish décor, caviar and champagne – when their wedding reception plans are far more reserved, that situation is likely planned in express agreement between the couple and the parents. If you’re neither of these two, always consult with the bride and groom about their wished-for formality and party style, even if it is your home and your money involved.
Watch Out!
Brides and grooms don’t like surprises. You might think it would delight them if you were to tell them you’re planning a casual barbecue, then surprise them with a formal, elegant, tented party with $300 floral arrangements, filet mignon, lobster tails and Cristal® — because they deserve it – such a grand gesture could create a vortex of hurt feelings. Perhaps the couple’s parents wish they could afford such a grand scale of party, and they may feel like you’re showing them up, or showing off your home and entertaining prowess. It may sound ridiculous that your surprise would be taken this way, but emotions are heightened and tensions high during a wedding weekend, and egos may be easily bruised. So make it a rule: clear your true party plans with the bride and groom before you take any steps in planning your event.
Comfort issues
Spotlight-stealing aside, one of the main reasons to provide some informal events during the wedding weekend is that most guests feel more comfortable when they can dress casually and enjoy comfort foods, as opposed to the which-fork-should-I-use pressures of an ultra-formal event. There’s something freeing about dressing down, wearing flats, drinking straight from a beer bottle and snacking on pigs in a blanket, and guests also enjoy the free-to-roam style of a barbecue or cocktail party as opposed to a formal, sit-down dinner.
More relaxed, informal social events facilitate mingling, picture-taking, and joking around, providing the perfect balance in a wedding weekend that may include one, two or perhaps three formal events. So which are the top informal events to blend into the weekend’s schedule? Here they are:
* Backyard barbecue and pool party
* At-home dinner, served buffet style
* Tours and outings to festivals and cultural events
* Movie night, at the theater or at home
* Spa and pampering party — (It doesn’t get more laid-back that that!)
You might think that it’s the women who enjoy socializing with Spanx and high heels, but men are equally pleased at the chance to avoid wearing a suit, tie and formal shoes. And not to be forgotten, child guests tend to behave better when they’re wearing comfortable clothes as opposed to dresses and tights or suits.
Money issues
A formal party almost always requires additional expenditures, due to a more upscale menu that can include lobster, clams, shrimp, filet mignon and the like, as well as grand floral centerpieces and additional décor, entertainment, pricy invitations, favors and other accoutrements. I say almost always because it is possible to plan a high-budget informal party, such as a backyard barbecue with a grill menu including bacon-wrapped filet mignon, chicken breasts, stuffed portabello mushrooms, ten different sides and three different desserts, plus a massive collection of imported beers and wines. You can certainly go high budget at an informal style of party, but it’s a bit more challenging to go low-budget at a formal event.
An informal get-together may be catered with budget-friendly platters purchased at Costco or WalMart, or with two-for-one pizzas, which is a strong selling point for those who choose to host informal wedding weekend events.
And of course, some informal events such as softball games at the park or trips to the beach come with no pricetag at all, which might move this type of event to the top of your possibilities list.
Steal My Party Idea
“As a bridesmaid, I was spending over $700 on my dress, shoes, the bridal shower and other requirements, so I knew I didn’t have the budget for a formal event. But I still wanted to host a get-together for the bride and groom and our friends. What I decided on was a movie night at my place, where we watched a DVD that I borrowed from a friend and ate snacks such as chips and salsa, kettlecorn, and mini meatballs. The whole thing cost me $20!” – Lisa, bridesmaid.
Etiquette issues
Again, you never want to outshine any event that the bride and groom have planned, or that has been planned by the parents. Call that Etiquette Rule #1.
Etiquette Rule #2 is letting guests know about the styles of wedding weekend events, so that they can pack their clothing, shoes and accessories well. For instance, if you tell guests that an event is a trip into the city to tour a museum, you need to tell them that lunch will be at a nearby nice restaurant, and provide the restaurant’s URL and a note saying, “The restaurant has a no-jeans policy, so do dress accordingly.” People will know from that to wear a skirt or nice pants and a sweater for this particular outing.
If you’ll host a pool party or trip to the beach, let guests know to pack their and their kids’ bathing suits. If a sporting event, such as a softball game, is on the schedule, guests need to know to pack clothes and sports shoes they can play in.
If you’ll host an outing to a nightclub, guests need to know to pack a little black dress or other ‘going out’ clothes and shoes. If the hotel brunch is formal enough to have a no-jeans rule, guests need to know. If the rehearsal dinner restaurant requires men to wear jackets and ties, guests need to know. You’ll convey these dress code Musts in your e-mailed or printed invitations that you send to the guests invited to each event. It’s considered an Etiquette Don’t to leave dress code information off of any wedding weekend event invitation.
Finally, Etiquette Rule #3 is letting guests know if they will be responsible for paying for any event tickets, cover charges, or other expenses associated with the event. Normally, the host pays all expenses, but if your group always splits the tab at a bar, or if friends have already said they’d love to go to that concert and are happy to pay their own way so that it can happen, always remind them via invitation that some charges will be their responsibility.
